Project: Dabble

What does it mean to be wise in a world overflowing with information? A growing body of research shows how wisdom develops and why it may be more essential to our well-being than we realize.

Theresa, a 43-year-old marketing manager, has been offered a major promotion that would require relocating across the country. The job would mean significantly higher pay, more responsibility, and senior-level leadership within her organization. But the move would uproot her family. Her spouse would need to leave a stable job, and their two young kids would have to switch schools. What’s more, her recently widowed father lives nearby and relies on her for regular support.

Should Theresa take the job? Put her career aspirations on hold? Or find another path that allows her to balance her professional goals with the needs of her family? Life is full of complex decisions such as this. These moments call for more than intelligence and creativity. They require wisdom.

Wisdom is often seen as the hallmark of mature adult thinking. It helps us navigate tough choices and make sound judgments based on experience, understanding, and concern for the greater good. It also benefits our health. Research shows that wise adults report higher life satisfaction, build stronger relationships, and adopt healthier habits such as eating well and exercising regularly. Wisdom helps us cope with hardship and acts as a buffer against loneliness, particularly in old age.

And while we often picture wisdom as a rare quality reserved for silver-haired sages, a growing body of evidence suggests a more encouraging view: wisdom is something we can actively develop at any age.

According to psychologists, wisdom isn’t a single, fixed trait. It’s a combination of qualities that work together to guide our decisions and actions. The most sagacious individuals show emotional awareness, sound judgment, curiosity, and even a sense of humor. Each of these qualities can be cultivated, helping move us further along the path to wisdom.

How Wisdom Develops

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” – Confucius 

Life experience plays a major role in the development of wisdom. Milestones such as becoming a parent, recovering from illness, or living abroad can shift our perspective and help us grow wiser. As Oprah Winfrey once told Wellesley College graduates, we can “turn our wounds into wisdom.” But according to researchers, experiences don’t need to be painful to make us wise. What matters is that they disrupt our usual way of thinking. That disruption is what opens the door to a broader worldview and deeper insight.

In Wisdom: The Psychology of Wise Thoughts, Words, and Deeds, psychologists Robert Sternberg and Judith Glück explain that people tend to grow wiser when they pause to reflect on what happened and why. For instance, someone going through a divorce might reflect on what led to the breakup, what they might have done differently, and what they can carry forward. A new parent might consider how their priorities have changed and what that means for their career and lifestyle.

And while many people assume wisdom naturally increases with age, research paints a more complex picture. Some studies suggest it grows over time, while others find it remains stable or even declines. According to authors Sharan Merriam and Lisa Baumgartner in Learning in Adulthood: A Comprehensive Guide, the answer depends on which aspect of wisdom is being measured. Qualities such as handling conflict or regulating emotions often become stronger with age, while complex thinking and openness to new experiences may decrease.

Cultivating Wisdom

How can we become wiser in our everyday life? One framework, known as the MORE Life Experience Model, outlines key traits that support the development of wisdom. MORE stands for Mastery, Openness, Reflectivity, and Emotional Sensitivity/Emotion Regulation. By developing these characteristics, we can strengthen our capacity for wisdom.

Mastery

Mastery involves the ability to navigate uncertainty and accept what we cannot control. As the Serenity Prayer reminds us, life’s challenges call for “the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Wise individuals trust in their ability to handle and eventually grow from anything that may happen. They learn to appreciate the good times and find meaning even in difficult circumstances.

Try this:

• Practice identifying what is and isn’t within your control.
• Set small, achievable goals and celebrate progress.
• Practice positive self-affirmations that strengthen your belief in your ability to handle challenges.
• Reflect on past challenges and how you grew from them.

Openness

Wise people are genuinely curious about how others see the world. They seek out different perspectives to gain a broader understanding of complex issues. They also tend to say yes to new experiences, big and small. This openness makes it easier for them to learn from others and adapt their thinking. As Sternberg and Glück write, “The more experiences a person accumulates, the more opportunities there are for broadening one’s perspective and deepening one’s knowledge.”

Curious how open-minded you are? Take this short quiz to explore where you have room to grow.

Try this:

• Try something new each week, whether it’s a food, book, or social event.
• Ask open-ended questions in conversations and listen without judgment.
• Seek out voices and viewpoints different from your own.
• Reflect on a time when you changed your mind and why.

Reflectivity

Those who are wise make an effort to understand their life experiences, especially the challenging ones. Often, this involves shaping those experiences into a personal story that brings meaning and supports emotional well-being. This type of redemptive reflection, for example, may help a person come to see how a life-altering injury led to greater resilience and allow them overcome feelings of loss and regret.

But cultivating wisdom requires going a step further. It involves asking yourself hard questions and taking an honest look at your role in what happened. This includes examining the choices, behaviors, or beliefs that may have contributed to the experience and considering what might need to change. Although this kind of exploratory processing can be uncomfortable or even painful, it’s the key to personal growth.

Try this:

• Keep a journal to explore your thoughts and reactions to important events.
• Ask yourself “Why did this happen?” and “What role did I play in creating this situation or outcome?”
• When facing a challenge, look for patterns that may be repeating.
• Talk through meaningful experiences with a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist.

Emotional Sensitivity and Emotion Regulation

These final two traits, together forming the “E” in the MORE model, describe how wise people relate to emotions. They are tuned in to their own feelings and sensitive to the emotions of others. As Sternberg and Glück note, emotions provide information. Wise individuals know how to acknowledge feelings without being overwhelmed by them. They also know when to express or contain emotions, depending on what the situation calls for. Their ability to notice and savor small joys such as a meaningful conversation, a beautiful sunset, or a kind gesture adds to their sense of well-being and perspective.

Try this:

• Pause and name what you’re feeling in moments of stress or joy.
• Practice mindfulness or breathing exercises to build emotional awareness.
• Use journaling or art to express emotions in healthy ways.
• Reflect on how others may be feeling and how your response can support them.

Because it’s not a fixed trait, our wisdom can fluctuate depending on the situation, the part of life we are navigating, or even our mood and motivations in the moment. We might show great wisdom in one context and struggle to access it in another.

“Wisdom is an end we strive for but never quite reach,” write Sternberg and Glück. “It is the process of becoming wise rather than some imaginary finished product of wisdom that matters most.”